Braeburn v 'Lawro', airing our dirty laundry in public.

An absolutely shocking time last weekend on the predictions front for both ‘Lawro’ and myself. The self-styled ‘football expert’ picking up just 4 points, although that is admittedly, one more point than me. What reason is there for this? Well personally I can point to the fact that I have a proper job. Working 12 hour shifts all weekend I was forced to do all of my predictions in a one hour time slot between 11pm and midnight on Friday evening. ‘Lawro’ on the other hand is employed as a football expert by the BBC, the largest publicly funded broadcaster in the world (I think). That’s right folks, you and me, the license payers are currently employing a football ‘expert’ that can only score four out of 30 points in the arena of predictions! Don’t forget that is all he has to worry about. Admittedly doing all Alan Hansen’s cleaning, laundry and washing up will take up a few hours per day but still, he can surely still be pondering the football while he bleaches the crotch in the former Scotland defenders undercrackers?

City (M) v City (H)

Disappointing agreement here between me and ‘Lawro’ to kick off week three. Man City will definitely respond to the defeat against Cardiff last Sunday and what better opposition to do it against than another promoted team managed by a former Man United stalwart.

My Prediction 3-0

‘Lawro’s’ Prediction 3-0

Cardiff v Everton

Sadly for Cardiff this will be a case of after the Lord Mayor’s show. The humbling of City will have increased confidence and expectation in South Wales but Roberto Martinez is a wily and experienced Premier Leagues boss now and he will have Everton pumped for this one.

MP 1-2

LP 1-1

Newcastle v Fulham

Newcastle are rubbish, Fulham will be happy with a point. If ‘Lawro’ is in doubt he always goes for a home win because he is lazy and a little stupid.

MP 0-0

LP 2-1

Norwich v Saints

Thank goodness ‘Lawro’ has tipped Saints to lose again this week, with normal service resumed I have a sneaky feeling that Pochettino’s team might just pull off another away win to match the opening day triumph at West Brom. Having said that Norwich are a good team and this could be a close one.

MP 2-2

LP 2-0

Hammers v Stoke

Dull as dishwater this, two of the least attractive teams in the league going head to head. Clogger versus clogger. Mark Hughes is not up to managing in the Prem and he will employ his only away tactic again this weekend, namely keeping his fingers crossed and hoping that the opposition don’t score. They will.

MP 1-0

LP 2-1

Palace v Sunderland

See above but in this case Palace don’t have Kevin Nolan to ping one in off a flailing kneecap.

MP 0-0

LP 1-0

Liverpool v United (M)

Alan Hansen must be away this week so ‘Lawro’ has bravely gone for Liverpool not to win. Better watch out though Mark, Hansen will be back and he’ll be angry, you better have that ironing done son.

MP 2-1

LP 1-1

Baggies v Swansea

Steve Clarke is suffering from his very own version of second season syndrome with West Brom yet to score and only 1 point from the opening two games. Swansea are a really good side and will have just enough to cut the Baggies down to size.

MP 1-2

LP 2-0

Arse v Tott

Loads of goals and Spurs to nick it just at the end. ‘Lawro’ has once again gone for the home win and is using his no more than two goals for anyone team in this one. Idiot.

MP 2-3

LP 2-1

Read BBC Football ‘Expert’ Mark Lawrenson’s full predictions here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/23878289

And follow me on Twitter: @marcusbraeburn

Current Scores

Lawro - 15 points

Marcus - 8 points (I am also owed one point for the Chelsea v Villa game that I was unable to find ‘Lawro’s’ prediction on)

Braeburn's Tenner - Week 3

Well what can I say? Last weekend’s Braeburn Tenner bets were as disappointing and frustrating as having £2 on England to win the fifth Test at 200/1 only for the players to be called off with four overs to play. And with England only needing 21 to win, there is no doubt in my mind that Matty Prior and the supremely confident debutant Chris Woakes, would have got England over the finish line had the fading light in south London not intervened. In betting, as in life, you win some and you lose some others and thanks to England’s antics earlier in the series I could not even get really angry with Michael Clarke and the Aussies for their time wasting tactics. Still there is plenty of time to get angry with Australian cricketers later in the year, for now it is time to take a few pounds off the bookies.

However this looks a tough task this week with the Premier League fixtures offering nothing that looks both likely and of good value. With this in mind I am going to revert to my old favourite, and as yet thoroughly unsuccessful, correct score betting. Tonight Chelsea face Bayern Munich in the European Super (Dooper) Cup and I personally reckon (for what that is worth) that both teams will score in a tight match that might potentially get a little nasty thanks to the history between the two managers on the touchline. In addition we will have a first foray into the minefield of over/under betting in a nice little London treble.

Here’s where my tenner is going this weekend.

Bet 1 - Correct Score Spread 1

Yep, you guessed it, we’re going for the old favourite, 2-1, 1-1, 1-2 bet. Bet Victor have let me down by not having the best price on Bayern to win 2-1 but the odds on the other two scores make up for that shortfall.

Bet 2 - Correct Score Spread 2

Another correct score spread this week as Manchester City welcome Hull City to the Etihad and give Manuel Pelligrino’s side a chance to bounce back and show some bottle after last weeks ridiculous defeat to Cardiff. In their opening fixture City sprayed water on Newcastle’s parade and although I expect the Blue/Redbirds to offer slightly more resistance than the Geordies this will still be a comfortable home win. We’re going for 3-0, 3-1 and 4-0 in this one again with our old mates at BV.

Bet 3 - The Treble

With the Prem fixtures looking tighter than a certain small insects chaff I am going to suggest a wee punt on some over/under fun to stretch our interest in the weekend beyond Saturday lunchtime. The games at the Boleyn Ground and Selhurst Park both look likely to be soporific affairs, with I would suggest less than 2.5 goals apiece. Stoke are as much fun as a dose of piles and the clueless Mark Hughes is likely to play a game of park the bus in this one. Meanwhile Palace will be desperate to avoid another defeat and Sunderland are unlikely to offer much of a goal threat away from home this season. It will be a different story at the Emirates however. The last 20 north London derbies have only thrown up 4 games with fewer than 2.5 goals and 4 of the last 6 have featured 5 goals or more. This one will also be a free scoring affair with Arsenal keen to prove they are still the local bullies and Spurs looking strong as they move into a post-Bale era. Let’s go over 3.5 goals here.

Divvy your £10 up as detailed below with all selections going on at Bet Victor

Bayern v Chelsea, correct score.

1-1 draw, £1.60 at 15/2 (returns - £13.60).

2-1 Bayern, £1.55 at 17/2 (returns - £14.73).

2-1 Chelsea, £0.85 at 16/1 (returns - £14.45).

Man City v Hull City, correct score.

3-0 City, £2 at 13/2 (returns - £15).

4-0 City, £1.30 at 10/1 (returns - £14.30).

4-1 City, £0.70 at 17/1 (returns - £12.60).

Over/Under Treble - £2 (poss returns £18.21)

West Ham v Stoke - Under 2.5 goals

Palace v Sunderland - Under 2.5 goals

Arsenal v Spurs - Over 3.5 goals

Week 2 starting balance: £28.60

Profit/Loss: - £10

Week 3 starting balance: £18.60

follow me on Twitter: @marcusbraeburn

Braeburn’s Tenner - Week 2

It was a great start to the season for Braeburn’s’ Tenner last weekend. Rickie Lambert netted a late penalty for the Saints against West Brom returning £13 whilst Bournemouth and West Ham both obliged at big odds to bring back £15.60 on the win double. Those two wins gave us a profit of £18.60 and meant that missing out on the Norwich/Everton correct score spread was but a minor inconvenience.

Here’s how to split your tenner this week:

Bet 1, the win double.

I don’t have much time for West Ham and Big Sam in particular yet I find myself tipping them in the win double for the second week in a row. Newcastle are going through something of a crisis just now and if there is any team outside the traditional big boys that you don’t want turning up in a crisis then it is the Hammers. Team them up with Everton who will surely be too strong for West Brom in Roberto Martinez’s first home game in charge of the Toffees. I’ve taken the 4.34/1 with Bet365 although it is fractionally longer with Paddy Power.

Bet 2, the correct score spread.

This was the only bet that let me down last time out and so I am jumping right back on the horse with the Man United v Chelsea game. It will definitely be a tight affair but both these teams have too much firepower not to find the net at least once. As always Bet Victor have the best correct score prices right across the Premier so go with them and split the stake as detailed below.

Split your tenner like so:

Everton and West Ham, £5 win double with Bet365.

Man Utd v Chelsea, correct score, all at BetVictor.

1-1 draw, £2.32 at 7/1 (returns - £18.56).

2-1 United, £1.43 at 19/2 (returns - £15.01).

2-1 Chelsea, £1.25 at 11/1 (returns - £15.00).

Week 1 starting balance: £10

Profit/Loss: + £18.60

Week 2 starting balance: £28.60

follow me on Twitter: @marcusbraeburn

Lawro and me in almost complete agreement...

The damp street is in eerie half light, either dawn or dusk I figure as I look desparately in both directions, my pulse racing, the hair on the back of my neck standing on end. Perhaps I have lost him? A plane roars menacingly overhead and I spin around, why is it so close to the building tops? Where can I be that has an airport so close? Up the road a shadow moves silently towards me inducing a shudder, it is him, of course I never lost him. He is ubiquitous, everywhere. Yet nowhere too; surrounding us and influencing everything we do, like an evil and malevolent god punishing us for sins committed in the past. The shadow grows larger and eventually he rounds the bend, his gigantic cartoon eyes and limp grin leer at me from down the street and then he speaks to me, in his high pitched whine, like Piers from the New Statesmen only more unsettling.

-Gary, I don’t know why they don’t go four at the back.

The terror runs through me like a lightening bolt and I am frozen to the spot, and then I am back at school. Standing at the front of class, a copy of To Kill a Mocking Bird in my hand, it is my turn, I must read aloud but everyone is staring at me, half in horror and half in childish schoolboy amusement. As I begin to scan blurred words on the page my eye is caught by something limp dangling just behind the book, it can’t be, can it? Letting the book drop to my side I look down at my completely naked body, why is this happening to me? A light giggle turns to howling laughter, coming from all around the room and then the chanting starts, that same mantra with accompanying handclaps,

-Braeburn’s a wanker! Braeburn’s a wanker! Braeburn’s a wanker!

The rage builds inside me and I snap, enough is enough. And then somehow I am back in the street and he is almost upon me, as my blood boils I scream at him, stopping him in his tracks just 10 feet away,

-No Lawro! NO!!!

I move towards him, he turns and desperately tries to run away, suddenly the pursuer has become the pursued. Half running, half falling he evades me when out of nowhere a truck appears and there is no escape, we will both be crushed for sure.... and then.... BANG. I am sat bolt upright in bed, sweat dripping off of me, I rub my face and take a deep breath, it’s ok. It’s OK, I say to myself, it is just another bad Lawro dream.

Fulham v Arsenal

Plenty of agreement between me and ‘Lawro’ this week starting with the lunchtime game at Craven Cottage. Arsenal were poor last weekend and then gubbed Fenerbahce on Wednesday night. Fulham meanwhile managed a rare away win at Sunderland last weekend and are always tough at home. This looks like another frustrating weekend for the Gooners.

My Prediction 1-1

Lawro’s Prediction 1-1

Everton v Baggies

West Brom were so bad last week that even crappy Southampton managed to turn them over, I predict a tough season for Steve Clarke’s side with Lukaku looking a big loss. Everton may be slightly destabilised by Mini-Ferg’s continued attempts to snatch their two best players away but I still think that at home they will have way too much quality for the Baggies.

MP 2-0

LP 2-1

Hull v Norwich

Yawnitty yawn. Hull will be hard to score against at home but are unlikely to threaten a Norwich team now comfortable in their Premiership surroundings. This is one to fast forward on MOTD.

MP 0-0
LP 1-1

Newcastle v West Ham

Doom and gloom surround Newcastle and Big Sam Alllardyce will relish putting one over his old club. Expect boos to be ringing out around St James Park come 5pm Saturday. This is one of only two games that ‘Lawro’ and I disagree on this week.

MP 1-2
LP 2-1

Saints v Sunderland

Like their neighbours Sunderland are in for a season of struggle and Saints will follow up their fine opening day win with another 3 points here. With new striker Osvaldo likely to make his debut St Mary’s will be rocking and Mauricio Pochettino’s team will cruise home. Having said all that ‘Lawro’ thinks Saints will win this and that normally spells disaster...

MP 3-0

LP 2-0

Stoke v Palace

Another one to skip during the highlights. All I can hope is for a few key decisions to go against Palace so that Ian Holloway can continue his ‘poor me’ post match interview technique.

MP 1-0

LP 2-0

Villa v Liverpool

Hansen has clearly (possibly) administered his weekly chinese burn to force ‘Lawro’ to predict a Liverpool win again this week. However after only narrowly defeating Stoke this trip to a much improved Villa will be a tricky assignment. Should be a good game though.

MP 2-2

LP 1-2

Cardiff v City

Pellegrino's City stuffed Newcastle out of sight on Monday and there is absolutely no reason why they will not do the same to Cardiff. Although the Blue/Redbirds will perhaps sneak a consolation to give themselves false hope for the coming weeks.

MP 1-3

LP 0-2

Spurs v Swansea

Tottenham look pretty awesome this season and with Bale nearing the exit at White Hart Lane this will be a morale boosting victory for the Spurs faithful.

MP 3-0

LP 2-0

Man U v Chelsea

The first pointer towards the potential destination of the Premiership title, these games are tight at the best of times and with this one coming so early in the season neither side will want to give anything away. Watching these two combustible managers on the touchline could be more interesting than events on the pitch.

MP 1-1

LP 1-1

NB. Note that ‘Lawro’ once again predicts no more than 2 goals for any one team. Coward.

Read BBC Football ‘Expert’ Mark Lawrenson’s full predictions here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/23784502

And follow me on Twitter: @marcusbraeburn

Current Scores

Lawro - 11 points

Marcus - 5 points

Lucky Lawro

Hmmm, so a good start for Lawro at the weekend, but even an imbecile can get lucky once; besides, AH won’t be able to help him every week! If only Stoke hadn't missed that penalty, if only Arsenal weren't awful before Christmas, and you would have though Chelsea could have bagged a couple more against Hull, eh, wouldn't you?

Current Scores

Lawro - 11 points

Marcus - 5 points

Wednesday night sees Chelsea entertain Villa in a match rearranged because of Chelsea’s upcoming defeat to Pep and Bayern in the Euro Super Dooper Cup Final. Lambert’s team got off to an unpredictable flyer at the weekend but Chelsea are made of far sterner stuff than Arsene Wenger’s dishevelled and worryingly threadbare looking outfit. Expect the Villains to go down without appeal.

Chelsea v Villa

MP 3-0

LP (Lawro’s prediction will appear here when Hansen can be bothered to text it to him)

Liverpool v Stoke

My Prediction 0-0

Lawro’s Prediction 1-0

Actual 1-0

Arsenal v Villa

MP 3-1

LP 2-0

Actual 1-3

Norwich v Everton

MP 1-1

LP 2-1

Actual 2-2

Sunderland v Fulham

MP 1-0

LP 1-1

Actual 0-1

Baggies v Saints

MP 1-2
LP 2-1

Actual 0-1

West Ham v Cardiff

MP 1-0
LP 2-0

Actual 2-0

Swansea v Man Utd

MP 2-2

LP 1-1

Actual 1-4

Palace v Spurs

MP 1-1
LP 1-2

Actual 0-1

Chelsea v Hull

MP 4-0
LP 2-0

Actual 2-0

Citeh v Newcastle

MP 2-0

LP 2-0

Actual 4-0

And follow me on Twitter: @marcusbraeburn

Braeburn's Tenner - Betting Tips

Here’s how to split your tenner this week:

Bet 1, the win double.

Bournemouth may have taken an absolute hiding at Watford last week but that looks like a freak result rather than a portent of doom for the Cherries. Eddie Howe’s team actually played pretty well on the day and were undone by their own naivety, had they not chased the game it would have been a lot tighter. Even though Wigan had a good win on the opening day I fancy a home win here especially at the big price available. Pair Bournemouth with West Ham in what looks to be the most turgid match of the Premier League’s opening weekend. It will be a tight and ugly affair at the Boleyn Ground but the Hammers should just have too much for a Cardiff side that may take a few weeks to find their feet in the division. Best odds are the 6.8/1 available with bet365.

Bet 2, the single.

Rickie Lambert will be flying high after his exploits at Wembley on Wednesday night and he is worth a punt with Ladbrokes to score at anytime against the Baggies for Southampton today. Last year he got off the mark on the opening weekend against Manchester City and there is no reason he won’t do the same today. Take the 9/4 at Ladbrokes.

Bet 3, the correct score spread.

Bookies love correct score punters almost as much as they love people who do enormous and extremely precarious accumulators, but with a little clear thinking we can make the market work for us. Simply pick a game and cover a range of likely scores splitting your stake so that you make the same profit whichever comes in! This week Norwich versus Everton looks like a really closely matched contest. Neither team will concede too many this season yet both have the players to find a goal or two themselves. We’ll cover the 1-1 draw and 2-1 either way to maximise our chances of taking something out of this game. As always BetVictor have the best prices on this game.

Split your tenner like so:

West Ham & Bournemouth, £2 win double with Bet365.

Rickie Lambert to score at anytime for Saints at West Brom, £4 at Ladbrokes.

Norwich v Everton, correct score, all at BetVictor.

1-1 draw, £1.79 at 6/1 (returns - £12.53).

2-1 Norwich, £0.96 at 12/1 (returns - £12.48).

2-1 Everton, £1.25 at 9/1 (returns - £12.50).

Total - £10

Follow on Twitter: @marcusbraeburn