Braeburn's Tenner: WEEK 6

A big thanks to Super Southampton for beating Liverpool last weekend and making it a successful round of Premier League matches for Braeburn’s Tenner. This week we will once again be punting on the Saints in our treble and also backing Rickie Lambert to score at anytime in our treble. I am a bit hungover so there endeth the preamble.

Bet 1 - The Treble

It’s simple really, you pick three football matches, decide who will win each one and then gamble away; what could possibly go wrong? Crystal Palace are absolutely rubbish and will certainly get rolled over by Mauricio Pochettino’s slick Saints for whom today will be the day that they learn how to beat teams from the lower reaches of the Prem. Likewise Man City have hit their straps and will have no trouble turning over an Aston Villa side shorn of their main attacking straight. In fact I believe there is a proverb about cutting off the head of the snake that applies here. Lastly Reading will do the number over Birmingham for whom the midweek win over Swansea will prove an anomaly rather than a portent of the future.

Bet 2 - The Trixie

Three games, three anytime goalscorers. If two roll in you get your money back, if all three find the back of the net and its party time! Although after last night that probably isn’t a good idea. Rickie Lambert is too good to go much longer without a goal so he is backed to score at St Mary’s against the lamentable Palace. Dimitar Berbatov is definitely going to score against Fulham, meanwhile Edin Dzeko normally scores if given the nod to start and that rule should apply today for City (M) against the Villa.

Split this weekends tenner thusly....

£1.25 Trixie (£5 total) on Rickie Lambert, the Berb and Dzeko to score at anytime with Betfred (returns £45.38)

£5 treble on Saints, City (M) and Reading all to win with Paddy Power. (returns £21.95)  

Week 4 starting balance: £12.20

Profit/Loss: + £9.50

Week 5 starting balance: £21.70

And follow me on Twitter: @marcusbraeburn

Week 6: Predictions v 'Lawro'

What an extraordinary week it has been in the world of football. First Saints beat table topping Liverpool in a story almost immediately overshadowed by Sunderland being shit and Paulo Di Cantio receiving the thigh high leather boot* from the Black Cat’s players. Then United got guffed on by City (M) in the Mancunian derby before Luis Suarez made his return from suspension without managing to get sent off, urinating on the statue of Sir Alex or eye gouging the fourth official. Lastly the league cup produced a series of games so dull that the highlight was Arsenal’s under 11 team being slightly better at penalties than West Brom’s reserves; listening to BBC 5 Live trying to make all this sound exciting certainly did not make the night shifts rattle past.

Still in other news last week’s predictions saw good old Marcus claw back another two points on the BBC’s cowardly, over-cautious, pastel-shadedly-shirted football ‘expert’ ‘Lawro’. My gigantic tally of eight points included one score bang on and five other correct outcomes and when aligned to a decent return on Braeburn’s tenner made for a good weekend all round. However, there is no time for me to rest on my laurels with another tricky set of fixtures this weekend, after all the BBC’s Football ‘Expert’ won’t beat himself. Well he might but I think we’d all rather not think about that.

*I know I made this joke recently but was planning to recycle it later in the season and now is my last chance.

Spurs v Chelsea

Spurs are, to my untrained eye at least, genuine title contenders this season and the only thing spoiling this game is BT Sport’s trailer for the match repeatedly stamping on the late great Sir Bobby Robson’s grave. Having been unfortunate enough to witness Chelsea’s pitiful efforts at Old Trafford earlier this season suggests to me that this game will be as tight as AVB’s trousers with Spurs just having enough minerals to nick one late on.

My Prediction 1-0

‘Lawro’s’ Prediction 1-1

Villa v City (M)

Normal service is resumed and all is well with the world once more. Sanuel Pellegrino’s team are now in sparkling form while Villa without Benteke up front look as flat as a joke about thigh high leather boots being repeated over and over again. There was early optimism that Paul Lambert’s team might have a better season this term but after five games it now appears that they won’t.

MP 0-3

LP 0-2

Fulham v City (C)

The Cottages have been woeful in the league but who on earth knows how much confidence they can take from a midweek win in the Credit Card Cup? Me and ‘Lawro’ that’s who in the first of three complete agreements this week.

MP 2-1

LP 2-1

Tigers (grrr) v Hammers

West Yawn have drawn their last two away from home with a nil all scoreline and I see no reason why Hull should have any more luck getting round the double decker than Saints or Newcastle. ‘Lawro’ either lazily or cowardly (you decide) goes for the home win here.

MP 0-0

LP 2-1

Man Utd v Baggies

More disappointing agreement here but only a damn fool would predict anything other than a heavy home win for the Red Devils. Interestingly ‘Lawro’ has predicted more than two goals for any team in a match since 1973.

MP 3-0

LP 3-0

Saints v Palace

Fresh from last weekend’s fantastic performance at Anfield it will be interesting to see if the Saints can pick up a win against one of the Premier Leagues smaller outfits. I don’t mean to disrepectful to the combustible fool Ian Holloway but fingers crossed that Saints will stuff the Super Eagles.

MP 3-0

LP 2-0

Swansea v Gooners

A purists dream this one, the ball will be zipping around quicker than a title challenge can collapse in mid-March. Luckily for Arsenal it is not mid-March yet and the only thing that will upset them is the sight of Michu, the kind of bargainous genius that Arsene Wenger used to excel in finding, trotting around in the white of the Swans.

MP 1-2

LP 1-1

Stokecelona v Norwich

Apparently Stoke are good now and should have enough to beat Norwich, that is as much I can think of to say about this uninspiring looking fayre.

MP 2-0

LP 2-1

Sunderland v Liverpool

With Hansen either away or wandering around near the Embankment full of scotch, ‘Lawro’ bravely goes for a draw here. I agree, Liverpool will take some time to adjust to having Suarez back whilst Sunderland’s players will be keen to put on a show in order to prove that it was all Di Cantio’s fault after all.

MP 1-1

LP 1-1

Everton v Newcastle

Newcastle have done well recently but Everton beat Chelsea last time they played at Goodison and they will dispatch the Geordies with consummate ease.

MP 2-0

LP 2-1

Read BBC Football ‘Expert’ Mark Lawrenson’s full predictions here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/24281521

And follow me on Twitter: @marcusbraeburn

Current Scores

Lawro - 37 points

Marcus - 30 points

(I am also owed one point for the Chelsea v Villa game that I was unable to find ‘Lawro’s’ prediction on)

Braeburn's Tenner - Week 5

Another poor week last time out for Braeburn’s Tenner with both Hull and Villa letting us down on the Accumulator and the first scorer patent proving perhaps a little too ambitious. We are however still in profit for the season so all is not lost. This week we’ll be mixing it up a little with three separate bets each of which will bring a slight profit, so if they all come in then it will be party time.

Bet 1 - The Single

Liverpool have had a great start and Southampton are struggling to find the back of the net but that won’t stop me tipping the Saints to win this one at a generally available and massive 11/2. Philippe Coutinho is out and with Suarez serving the last of his 10 game ban then the Reds could lack a little bit of creativity. Mauricio Pochettino’s side also perform a lot better against teams that try and play football against them, unlike West Ham last weekend.

Bet 2 - The Trixie

First goalscorer bets are great when they come in but they are not the type of thing you want to put your house on. With that in mind this week we’ll go for an anytime scorer trixie, that’s three selections covering all the doubles and the treble. Ricky Van Wolfswinkel is due a goal for Norwich, Michu is on fire for Swansea and Rickie Lambert is in good form and would have scored against the Hammers were it not for a fine display from Jussi Jaskelaindind

Bet 3 - The Correct Score Spread

My favourite bet and I intend to flog it like a dead horse, Chelsea v Fulham is a derby and will subsequently be a tight game, especially with The Average One under a little bit of pressure. We’ll cover 2-1, 1-1 and 1-2 as usual.

Spread your tenner thusly...

£3 on Saints to beat Liverpool at 11/2 with Betfred. (returns £19.50)

£1 trixie (£4 total) on Van Wolfswinkel, Lambert and Michu to score at any time with Betfred. (returns £73.75)

Chelsea v Fulham, correct score with BetVictor

1-1 draw, £1.15 at 12/1 (returns - £14.95).

2-1 Chelsea, £1.5 at 19/2 (returns - £15.75).

2-1 Fulham, £0.35 at 40/1 (returns - £14.35).

Week 4 starting balance: £22.20

Profit/Loss: - £10

Week 5 starting balance: £12.20

And follow me on Twitter: @marcusbraeburn

Take That 'Lawro'

If revenge is a dish best served cold then victory for me is best served in a very narrow dish indeed. For the first week this season the goatee bearded one was vanquished with my enormous score of eleven points, ‘Lawro’ meanwhile could manage only a measly ten points.

Running scared ‘Lawro’ has reverted to his cautious and cowardly form, predicting no more than 2 goals for any single team and only chancing his arm with one away win. Goals have been tight in the top flight this season but I think there might just be a few more around this weekend.

Norwich v Villa

A tough one to call this with both sides form being completely unpredictable but Norwich will be keen to ensure that Paul Lambert leaves his old stamping ground empty handed. Should be goals on either side though, so maybe worth a little punt on either Rickie ‘white van’ Wolfeswhistle or Christian Benteke to score at anytime.

My Prediction 2-1

‘Lawro’s’ Prediction 1-1

Liverpool v Saints

Saints are better against teams that come on to them as last seasons wins against Chelsea, Man City and Liverpool indicate. Against West Ham last weekend they struggled to break down an opposition that came to St Mary’s looking for a point but away at Anfield they can play the high tempo pressing game that Pochettino favours. Another plus point is that Phillipe Cortina is out for the Reds and Suarez is not back till next weekend so this could just be the perfect time for Saints to go to Merseyside.

MP 1-3

LP 2-0

Newcastle v Hull Tiggers

Yawny yawn yawn. Newcastle clearly aren’t as bad as I thought they were going to be whilst Hull will pick up most of their points at home. Persistent and vitriolic abuse of the horrifically hootered Steve Bruce could be the most entertaining element of this one.

MP 2-0

LP 2-0

Baggies v Sunderland

Last weekend saw Steve Clarke’s men grab their first goal of the campaign and that confidence boost will help them take the points against the Black Shirts, sorry Black Cats.

MP 1-0

LP 2-1

Hammers v Toffees

Any match being managed by big Sam has DRAW written all over it in ten foot letters all around the castle walls. Everton will be on a high after beating Chelsea last Saturday and West Ham will surely show more intent at home after the bus parking abomination at St Mary’s on Sunday.

MP 1-1

LP 2-1

Chelsea v Fulham

The Average One will get back to winning ways against Fulham this weekend because Martin Jol’s team are a bit shit and Chelsea are not as bad as everyone is saying after two narrow defeats. Honestly if people don’t keep overreacting to a couple of bad results then I am going to blow my head off with a shotgun.

MP 2-0

LP 2-0

Arsenal v Stoke

Stoke have surprised everyone so far this season by adapting so quickly to being encouraged to pass the ball around on the floor. Unfortunately if you try that kind of thing against an Arsenal side currently enjoying championship winning form then you will get stuffed, 4-1 to be precise. Interesting that ‘Lawro’ agrees with the outcome but is too scared as usual to go for more than two goals for the Gooners.

MP 4-1

LP 2-0

Palace v Swansea

It will be interesting to see how Swansea react after the midweek mauling of Valencia but I reckon they have enough in reserve to take care of Championship bound Palace with ease. I wonder if Holloway can still moan on to the press if he is banished to the stands??

MP 1-2

LP 2-1

Cardiff v Spurs

Cardiff’s win against Man City win was a blip and Spurs will get stronger with every match as the new signings gel. A grim day at the office for the Blue/Red Birds.

MP 0-3

LP 0-2

City (M) v Man Utd

A big game between two title contenders. Should be awesome but sadly with so much at stake both teams will be desperate not to lose. Even ‘Lawro’ agrees with me.

MP 0-0

LP 0-0

Read BBC Football ‘Expert’ Mark Lawrenson’s full predictions here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/24152623

And follow me on Twitter: @marcusbraeburn

Current Scores

Lawro - 31 points

Marcus - 22 points

(I am also owed one point for the Chelsea v Villa game that I was unable to find ‘Lawro’s’ prediction on)

Bleurgh. Braeburn's Tenner.

Another disappointing week for Braeburn’s Tenner last time out although it seems like a million years ago that Bayern and Chelsea drew 1-1 in the European Super Dooper Cup Final to get us back £13.60 and make us a tiny little profit. Anyhoo, time is short this week so I shall waste no time rambling on and give you this weeks tips with no further ado.

Bet 1 - The Patent

7 bets, three singles, three doubles and an accumulator, this is an old favourite of Braeburn’s and this week we are going in on the first goalscorer market. Much maligned Danny Graham is too good a player to go much longer without a goal and what better time to open his account for Hull than against Cardiff City today. Samuel Eto’o should make his Chelsea debut this afternoon and a player of his class should make an immediate impact. Lastly we will go for Danny Sturridge to make a miraculous recovery from whatever knack he was suffering last week in order to net the only goal away at Swansea City.

Bet 2 - The Treble.

Spurs to beat Norwich. Hull to turn over Cardiff and Villa to do the geordies. It’s generally available at 6/1.

I’ve gone for all my bets at Stan James and if the all three legs of the patent come in then we’re in for a wopping £458 return. The treble has slightly more modest value and will bring in just over 20 quid. Good luck.

Week 3 starting balance: £18.60

Profit/Loss: + £3.60

Week 4 starting balance: £22.20

Battle recommences between Braeburn and 'Lawro'

To the outsider it may appear that Mark Lawrenson is trouncing me in this season long marathon game of predictorizing the football, however the outsider would be a fucking idiot. The fact of the matter is I always intended to give the hapless ‘Lawro’ a ten point head start and in order to achieve this I have deliberately been slipping some incorrect predictions under the carpet without anybody realising. You schmucks. Now that this objective has been achieved, the last round of fixtures giving the former Irish central defender 6 points to my 3, it is time to start playing properly. If the rest of my cunning plan works then I should be level with ‘Lawro’ by the end of this weekend and 20 points ahead by the end of September. I will also be putting a pound on all my correct scores from now on so expect Braeburn to retire a multi-millionaire by the end of the season.

Man Utd v Palace

I actually changed my prediction from 3-0 to 2-0 at the last moment, which is a good thing because being 10 points behind means I can’t afford too many agreements with ‘Lawro’ this week. Tight game early doors before Palace finally fold to a couple of Van Persie strikes. Holloway to bleat on afterwards about some perceived injustice. Fuckwit.

My Prediction 2-0

‘Lawro’s’ Prediction 3-0

Villa v Newcastle

Many observers suggesting that Villa aren’t too good at home but with the Geordies turning up that shouldn’t really matter on Saturday. Pardew’s side haven’t won away from home for a million years (or something) and are unlikely to rectify that here.

MP 3-0

LP 2-1

Fulham v Baggies

Cowardly ‘Lawro’ will always go for a home win if he is either unsure or AH is not there to ‘guide’ him. Fulham are not all that and the Baggies cannot fail to score for the fourth match in a row. Can they?

MP 1-1

LP 2-0

Hull v Cardiff

I am not one to sit on the fence, it would be easy to predict a draw, but anyone with imagination and a ounce of common sense would expect Hull to bag three points at home here. That Danny Graham should be worth a punt to score too, just like the Baggies, surely he is due one in the onion bag soon?

MP 2-1

LP 1-1

City (S) v City (M)

Argh, dreaded agreement from me and the ‘expert’. Has he somehow got access to my googledocs account? Mark Hughes is a petty and bitter little man, and while his complete lack of tactical acumen will see him come unstuck many times this season, he will be desperate to put one over on his old bosses on Saturday. I predict a watery eye for Pelligrino as his team miss a shower of chances on a wet afternoon at the Britannia Stadium. Hope I’m wrong though just so ‘Lawro’ is too. Nose. Face. Sharp implement. Nuff said.

MP 1-1

LP 1-1

Sunderland v Arsenal

Once again agreement of a sort. Sunderland are pony and it should be to Southampton’s eternal shame that they failed to put the thigh high leather boot in on Di Canio’s team a few weeks back. In years to come people will laugh at anybody who failed to do the double over the 2013 Black Cats. Expect season tickets to be torn up and the ground to empty after 58 minutes when Kermit Ozil knocks in the third. Oh, and does anyone know how to do the two little dots above the ‘O’ on a chromebook?

MP 0-3

LP 0-2

Spurs v Norwich

They say that great minds think alike but it is clear that sometimes a great mind and cavernous vacuum of a brain can also work along the same lines. I’m not telling you which is which out of me and ‘Lawro’ though.*

MP 2-0

LP 2-0

Everton v Chelsea

Everton done great, in the parlance of our times, during the transfer window but we will only see the power of a fully operational Toffees team once Lukaku can play next week. A tight match with Samuel Eto’o, whom I once saw tear Deportivo a new one in the Nou Camp, to grab the winner.

MP 0-1

LP 1-1

Saints v Hammers

Bad news for Saints fans everywhere as ‘Lawro’ predicts a win for the boys in red, and a tiny little bit of white, this week. The Hammers appear to be very light up front but personally I worry about whether Southampton can break down such accomplished bus parkers as West Ham. For a few of Mauricio Pochettino’s players it is time to come to the party this season. Happily I am going to this match so check the blog next week just in case I can be arsed to write about my day out.

MP 3-1

LP 2-1

Swansea v Liverpool

‘Lawro’ goes for a draw here so clearly Hansen is away again this week. Perhaps having his yearly fake tan submersion treatment. Is he Scotlands most orange man? (nb. I mean this in the purely colour oriented sense and am in no way suggesting that the wee man might go on marches or wear bowler hats or anything of that sort.Although not wanting to upset anyone, I am also not suggesting for an instant that he doesn’t.) Liverpool are this years 1-0 merchants and after three on the bounce I will be lumping on the Reds to do the same again.

MP 0-1

LP 1-1

Read BBC Football ‘Expert’ Mark Lawrenson’s full predictions here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/24063093

And follow me on Twitter: @marcusbraeburn

Current Scores

Lawro - 21 points

Marcus - 11 points

(I am also owed one point for the Chelsea v Villa game that I was unable to find ‘Lawro’s’ prediction on)

*Obviously mine is the great mind.