To the outsider it may appear that Mark Lawrenson is trouncing me in this season long marathon game of predictorizing the football, however the outsider would be a fucking idiot. The fact of the matter is I always intended to give the hapless ‘Lawro’ a ten point head start and in order to achieve this I have deliberately been slipping some incorrect predictions under the carpet without anybody realising. You schmucks. Now that this objective has been achieved, the last round of fixtures giving the former Irish central defender 6 points to my 3, it is time to start playing properly. If the rest of my cunning plan works then I should be level with ‘Lawro’ by the end of this weekend and 20 points ahead by the end of September. I will also be putting a pound on all my correct scores from now on so expect Braeburn to retire a multi-millionaire by the end of the season.
Man Utd v Palace
I actually changed my prediction from 3-0 to 2-0 at the last moment, which is a good thing because being 10 points behind means I can’t afford too many agreements with ‘Lawro’ this week. Tight game early doors before Palace finally fold to a couple of Van Persie strikes. Holloway to bleat on afterwards about some perceived injustice. Fuckwit.
My Prediction 2-0
‘Lawro’s’ Prediction 3-0
Villa v Newcastle
Many observers suggesting that Villa aren’t too good at home but with the Geordies turning up that shouldn’t really matter on Saturday. Pardew’s side haven’t won away from home for a million years (or something) and are unlikely to rectify that here.
MP 3-0
LP 2-1
Fulham v Baggies
Cowardly ‘Lawro’ will always go for a home win if he is either unsure or AH is not there to ‘guide’ him. Fulham are not all that and the Baggies cannot fail to score for the fourth match in a row. Can they?
MP 1-1
LP 2-0
Hull v Cardiff
I am not one to sit on the fence, it would be easy to predict a draw, but anyone with imagination and a ounce of common sense would expect Hull to bag three points at home here. That Danny Graham should be worth a punt to score too, just like the Baggies, surely he is due one in the onion bag soon?
MP 2-1
LP 1-1
City (S) v City (M)
Argh, dreaded agreement from me and the ‘expert’. Has he somehow got access to my googledocs account? Mark Hughes is a petty and bitter little man, and while his complete lack of tactical acumen will see him come unstuck many times this season, he will be desperate to put one over on his old bosses on Saturday. I predict a watery eye for Pelligrino as his team miss a shower of chances on a wet afternoon at the Britannia Stadium. Hope I’m wrong though just so ‘Lawro’ is too. Nose. Face. Sharp implement. Nuff said.
MP 1-1
LP 1-1
Sunderland v Arsenal
Once again agreement of a sort. Sunderland are pony and it should be to Southampton’s eternal shame that they failed to put the thigh high leather boot in on Di Canio’s team a few weeks back. In years to come people will laugh at anybody who failed to do the double over the 2013 Black Cats. Expect season tickets to be torn up and the ground to empty after 58 minutes when Kermit Ozil knocks in the third. Oh, and does anyone know how to do the two little dots above the ‘O’ on a chromebook?
MP 0-3
LP 0-2
Spurs v Norwich
They say that great minds think alike but it is clear that sometimes a great mind and cavernous vacuum of a brain can also work along the same lines. I’m not telling you which is which out of me and ‘Lawro’ though.*
MP 2-0
LP 2-0
Everton v Chelsea
Everton done great, in the parlance of our times, during the transfer window but we will only see the power of a fully operational Toffees team once Lukaku can play next week. A tight match with Samuel Eto’o, whom I once saw tear Deportivo a new one in the Nou Camp, to grab the winner.
MP 0-1
LP 1-1
Saints v Hammers
Bad news for Saints fans everywhere as ‘Lawro’ predicts a win for the boys in red, and a tiny little bit of white, this week. The Hammers appear to be very light up front but personally I worry about whether Southampton can break down such accomplished bus parkers as West Ham. For a few of Mauricio Pochettino’s players it is time to come to the party this season. Happily I am going to this match so check the blog next week just in case I can be arsed to write about my day out.
MP 3-1
LP 2-1
Swansea v Liverpool
‘Lawro’ goes for a draw here so clearly Hansen is away again this week. Perhaps having his yearly fake tan submersion treatment. Is he Scotlands most orange man? (nb. I mean this in the purely colour oriented sense and am in no way suggesting that the wee man might go on marches or wear bowler hats or anything of that sort.Although not wanting to upset anyone, I am also not suggesting for an instant that he doesn’t.) Liverpool are this years 1-0 merchants and after three on the bounce I will be lumping on the Reds to do the same again.
MP 0-1
LP 1-1
Read BBC Football ‘Expert’ Mark Lawrenson’s full predictions here:
And follow me on Twitter: @marcusbraeburn
Current Scores
Lawro - 21 points
Marcus - 11 points
(I am also owed one point for the Chelsea v Villa game that I was unable to find ‘Lawro’s’ prediction on)
*Obviously mine is the great mind.
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